February 25, 2022 

Here I am, thinking about what love meant for me in this new season of my life. Since day one of February, which most of us call the “love month”, all I see were posts and stories of celebration, declaration of love, hope, healing, and some were just not into it. I, too, honestly find it so cliche ever since. I don’t feel the need to celebrate love and most especially every February 14. I don’t seem to get the point of getting busy to surprise the person you love on that day or the rush to buy gifts, flowers, or chocolates. You can literally buy them those every day like the usual. What’s my deal? I most certainly don’t know. Or so I thought. I’m in a very steady and happy relationship right now and yet I’m just not into all this love or Valentine’s day hype. This post may be kind of late for what seems to be an event as mentioned, but allow me to share a few things I realized about love; the lessons I learned, unlearned, and relearned from being single for a long time and getting into a relationship. 

1. I learned that the experience or the lack of it being in a relationship shouldn’t be used as an excuse when settling a conflict. I often hear it from my friends’ advices and I appreciate them for it. Some would say there will be times that the one who has an “experience” should be more understanding or that the one who has “no experience” is wrong just because he/she didn’t know what it feels like. Well I say, no relationship is the same. When you enter into a relationship, experienced or none at all, you both are going to be new to it. And because no person is ever the same, when conflicts arise you find a way to deal with your partner with which you can come to an agreement. (Insert girl shrug emoji)

2. Being in a relationship would never be like the movies or fairytales, and I need to unlearn that. I mean, hello girls, if you’re like me who’s a movie person, let alone a hopeless romantic one, expectations are our enemy. What I’m saying is, our enemy is ourselves. Well for me, it always is — especially in moments where things feel like it could turn into a scene from a movie. Maybe it’s just me, but I always, ALWAYS, have high expectations like on dates — any kind of dates. With that, little did I know I’d become unappreciative of the efforts my partner is showing me, not just on dates alone, because of these romantic and fairytale images lingering in my head, wishing it to happen.

3. I relearned how patience, understanding, and vulnerability are fundamentals in the growth of the relationship. Just as how communication is the key to a long-lasting relationship, so are these three characteristics that back it up. I have seen communication from a new perspective. Communicate with patience, be understanding of what is being communicated, and be honest throughout any communication. If you’re wondering why I said that I learned to be vulnerable, it’s because I believe as you go along in your relationship there are a lot of things you have to communicate with your partner, things that require your vulnerable side. There will be times that it is difficult to communicate but you have to, not assertively hence when you’re ready — and it all comes with trust. 

4. Love selflessly. I hate to admit this but I learned this from my partner — the most difficult way possible if I must say. I’m in a constant battle with myself because I know what is the right thing to do but my stubborn self also gets in the way and reminds me of how I used to view love and self-love. I was so full of self-love and I have loved no one else other than myself. I thought that if I do something towards another person, that person will love me . Now, I have learned that being in a relationship is not about what I get but rather what I give. Honestly, this is the most challenging part to change in me. I have been single for such a long time and all I ever did was love myself — too much that it distorted my understanding of what love truly means. My partner is nothing but patient and understanding towards me on this matter, and I love that about him. (xoxo)

5. God is the author of your relationship. I relearned this in a way that I am reminded about the things I picked up from the book I read way back in college, “When God writes your love story.” I have now an in-depth learning of what it also is like when you put God first and at the center of your relationship. I shared earlier how I struggle inwardly to change my mindset about love and respond in loving selflessly, but I was not able to overcome it on my own. First and foremost, it starts being in a relationship with the One who loved us all first. God is love and apart from Him everything is nothing. For me, I cannot learn what love is like and what it means to love selflessly if I will not allow God, who is love, in my life and be transformed by it — for we cannot give of what we don’t have. There are a lot of challenges and circumstances that may come along the way in a relationship,  but what will prevail is God’s purpose; and how you respond to this purpose is the outflow of your love and relationship with Him. I believe that, just as how important it is to choose a partner who not only has faith in God, but is also strong and grounded, it is also important that you are working on your faith in God to be strong and grounded as well. 

I do have a long list of the things I learned about love and relationship, and things I realized that need some work in myself, but these 5 has a major impact on me. I may not have felt the love hype this month but I believe it didn’t really matter. Every day that I live is a gift and an opportunity to show love to the people around me, most especially the ones closest and dearest to me. I did celebrate Heart’s Day for the first time in a long while and with a new definition of love in me. I don’t know if you can relate to any of these but I do hope you are reminded that you are loved by God, your Father, more than anyone else and before anyone else could. 

I’ll leave with a little reminder for myself, hope it will speak to you as well. 

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean receiving love but translating God’s love to your partner and extending it to the people around you as well.

We love each other because he loved us first.
1 John 4:19 NLT

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