As my family and I are about to celebrate Christmas in a while I decided to share how we celebrate it and what Christmas means to us (and to me).

I grew up celebrating Christmas in our old house. There was never a year that I celebrated Christmas away from home (or at a different house). And this year is different for me and my family (but mostly to me). I am always excited when we all gather up around the table and pray and give thanks to the Lord before we eat all the foods we prepared. We will just sit down for a while and talk about random things all throughout or cozy up at the living room and watch a Christmas-themed movie. We will all laugh and exchange our opinions about it. But those are the only good youthful memories I have during Christmas. It’s pretty simple but we are together. In the past years it becomes more difficult and difficult for me to picture it like how it used to be. And not getting to spend this Christmas with my father this year is something I don’t quite know how to feel. But mostly, the feeling of something is still missing. I don’t really have that close father-daughter kind of relationship with my dad and despite that it’s hard not to picture Christmas and even on celebrating New Year without him. I have had a very difficult relationship with my father in the past and despite that I chose not to hate and rebel against him. And for those years that I have been also praying for him, but I still can’t see the change in him and in our relationship. Now I should be busy preparing for the Noche Buena (or that’s what we call Christmas Eve in the Philippines) but I was reminded of how Christmas should also mean for me. I shouldn’t be down-hearted about my dad’s absence but rather find it within me the reason to be joyous why I, too celebrate Christmas. I remember when after the gathering on Christmas day I will go to my room and start to write down the things I am thankful for that year in my journal. For me and my family Christmas means the celebration of the birth of our Savior, Jesus and the rest of festivities are just the toppings on the cake. And celebrating Christmas today without my father hurts me but I’m also reminded of how my good good Father in heaven has been to me, not just for this year, but through the years, and to my family. My mentor used to say that despite the absence or the insufficiency of my biological father I still have a Father in heaven that loves me and can provide lavishly for my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. I can hold on to the promises of God to me as He is my Father and that He will never fail. He even knows what you need before you even realize it. And I am more than thankful to witness and experience His goodness and greatness in my life for this year as He indeed, has been a great father. If I were to recall from the beginning of this year how He one by one and little by little answered my prayers and (re)directed me to the path that He leads me it will require me to make a long blog post. But what I am grateful the most of this day is how my Father in heaven generously give His one and only Son for me (and to all of you) to save us all from eternal damnation. And that is irreplaceable. No matter what happened to me in every single year, that truth alone will always be me to my knees and be in awe of how great God is. Whatever the circumstance is it doesn’t change the fact that Jesus is still the center, the very reason of this season. Whether we celebrate it with a complete family or not, or we have something to prepare on our tables or not, or if we have great or small parties and gifts to give or receive at the end of it all let’s not forget what we are really celebrating in this season. The reason why we are also still here on earth breathing. Sure it is a rollercoaster ride for me this year and I can barely make it through it till the end without God in every step of the way. To God be all the glory and honor and praise!

A Blessed Christmas everyone!