The season of Christmas is warmly felt all around the world since day one of December (that is September if you are in the Philippines.) People are busy planning here and there what to do with the rest of the days before the year ends. Parties, reunions, celebration of many kinds, Christmas shopping and gift-giving are up on the list. And for me, this is both a happy and sad season. Happy because the fact that there is another chapter yet to unfold. I am expectant for great things ahead of me for the year 2019. And sad because my small circle divided to small particles all throughout the country. I am left with no one to share with these small, simple, and happy moments of this season (well, aside from my family.) In the bible it says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24) Whether we desire to have a friend or we thought otherwise that we need one, there will always be that someone who sticks with you through everything in our life. Someone that you didn’t even know how that friendship began, but he or she is there. And this is what I am reminded of about friends…

At some point this year I was having a hard time reaching out with my close friends. It’s not because they have abandoned me, or maybe some did, but because most of them are geographically far. Social media and once or twice in a year meet-ups (or none at all) is still not enough. Although, I still appreciate their time, effort, and presence (physically and virtually). Another reason is that we are all going through the same stages of #adulting and I totally understand their absence or lack of time thereof. Maybe I am that kind of friend who’s holding this very small circle that I have close to my heart and I have become dependent to them especially when I needed pair of ears to listen and shoulder to cry on during my lowest moments or celebrate with my greatest moments. But at the end of the day, it is what it is. They’re just not here. I learned to toughen up through this year’s rollercoaster ride and I must admit, I didn’t do it all on my own. There were my friends out there to encourage me. And then there’s me here dealing with the solitude of it all. This sudden realization of how I actually feel is new to me. For an introvert who wants a companion in times of crisis isn’t really the picture or the meaning of being an introvert or just simply how I see myself then and now towards my need of friends and coping up with situations. Although the fact still stands true that it’s hard for an introvert to open up to people especially when they just met. And I am not that outgoing kind of person to even start making friends. I learned to choose my friends wisely throughout the years and I still do that to this day. Honestly, at first I self-pitied because none of my friends here in the city ever bothered about me. I tend to say, “Those friends who are far from me are the people that can even give time despite time limitations and distance. They showed more concern, love and care than those people who are near me and call themselves friends but couldn’t even bother drop a message.” With that, I realized I’m starting to create bitterness and hatred in my heart. One thing that I don’t want to have to carry on. And you might not, too. Because when hate and bitterness starts to live in the rooms of your heart, it springs out chaos and unforgiveness. I can’t live with that. And need to let it go – let those kinds of people go. Someone said to me when I was sharing the pain I feel about these kinds of friends, she said, “maybe this is the season of your life that you need to handle it on your own, figure it out on your own.” And in my head I begin to rebut in everything that person said. Something like, “you don’t understand the gravity of where is it that I’m coming from about this.” I self-pitied again. And another said to me, “sometimes what we truly need is not the presence of our human friend but God as our friend.” It left me speechless. Bulls-eye. I was reminded of the revelation I had a long time ago about this dilemma of me and my friends or so-called friends, that in our existence we can’t really neglect it sometimes to expect from people to be something that they are or should be. Human as we all are, I and my friends have shortcomings and limited. They can disappoint or fail me sometimes because they are not perfect and they can only give with what they have. Even I, too, towards them have shortcomings as a friend. And I can’t expect too much or be dependent because, again, they all are just humans. They are limited. But the only friend that I can 100% have who will not fail to listen, give advice, comfort, has unlimited time and so much more is Jesus. To whom I can be more, or rather should be more dependent to. God knows we need a friend while we are here on earth and He gives. He orchestrates friendships and any other relationship we have in our lifetime. He knows our needs whatever it may be. And in this Christmas season, I should be thinking more and be thankful of all the good things the Lord has done for me with these friends He put in my life and in this season. It is not always what I think is or should be because God knows best in every season of my life. He even will make a way to remove people and bring them back, all for His will and purpose. Now there is no reason for me to be sad this Christmas because this year God has been great with the friends He gave me that helped me through with my journey. And to the people He allowed for me to learn from them. I should be more dependent to Jesus, my only true friend, in every step of the way in all circumstance. What a friend we have in Jesus 