This is for the ladies who loved.

I don’t know how I’m going to live, again, now that I’m single. I didn’t miss that kind of life. I realized I still live by it even when I was in a relationship. There were glimpses of the beauty of being in a relationship feels like but I was living and feeling alone and single still. I craved for seeing more of its beauty but then as most people would say, “If it isn’t the time yet you will not find it.” Timing is everything, they would say too. And I begin to ask myself if I’m young, and I have been single for a very long time until I was involved with someone to be in a relationship with when will be my time? When will be the right time? Again. Maybe some relationship fails not because one of them doesn’t know how a relationship really and should work, but because the timing is amiss. Some people have been so deeply in love but you will then find out that they split up because their relationship didn’t work well.

“The reason love is sad not because the people are amiss but because the timing is amiss.”

-Anonymous

Some took it easy by jumping into another relationship, others find it hard to move on and are still in denial, and for some they become positive. There could be a lot of reactions and ways for people gone/going through it. I, personally, have been in those three categories or should I say stages. For such a time I was in denial and found myself having a hard time (for a very long time) to move on until I was tired moping and strive to see the positive view in the process.

Being single is a season. It has its own beauty just like the season of summer, winter, or fall. You may hate some seasons when it comes in a year but still, those seasons are part of life. And so is being in a relationship. Every season has its own beauty. It can’t be rainy all the time or sunny all the time but that’s it. The rain has its own beauty and purpose of helping the farmers grow their plants or giving the people balanced feels from the hot weather. I love rainy days when I can just sit in and chill with my cup of coffee. But I hate in some days that my shoes and pants get dirty because of mud. I love sunny days especially during summer when I can live with the waves or just sit on the beach. But I hate it when it’s just too hot and humid. I came to realize such things in this season that there is always something good out for what seems bad. You just only need to make a choice to see things from a different perspective. It doesn’t come off as something you suddenly feel like. You constantly urge yourself to see it. No, it won’t be that easy to choose especially when the pain you feel is stronger and questions fill your mind. You only need to make a choice every single day, every time the memory and pain hit you. And when you do, you will find yourself having peace.

❤To be single is to take your time.

Haste makes waste. If you tend to rush things that it is not their time yet you will not only end up getting hurt or ruining the whole thing but also regret of the time, effort, emotion, and so much more. Everybody has their own timeline for love. You don’t need to catch up on anybody but a time for yourself.

Songs of Solomon 8:4 (ESV) I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

Take your time to do the things you want and can do while you are still single. List these things down and set a goal or timeline when and where do you think you can start. There are so many things you can do and try to discover more as you go along the way that you want to do. You are going to be single for such a time and so is when you’re gonna be committed. There are so many things you can’t do once you are committed to taking this time to enjoy what you have and where you are. For starters, I did a solo travel somewhere I haven’t been to and isn’t so hard to access and inexpensive. I never really went somewhere alone and I want to try it. It was worth it.😊If it isn’t your kind of vibe it’s okay. You can do whatever works for you. As long as you DO it and embrace the moment that you did.

❤To be single is to empower yourself.

There are so many things you may or may not discover in yourself that you should be happy that you are blessed with. Empower yourself and of the things you desire to do for yourself and for others. Let yourself grow on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Again on my pursuit of traveling, it has really been my desire to go and explore places. I know it has been a sort of trend right now in this generation. But for me, trend or not I want to see it for myself. I don’t want to be stuck planning and dreaming about it. It was a big move for me to prepare (not just to plan) for my travels and make it happen. I am not a pro in being an adventurer. I only have the heart to be one. When I did go to the places I wanted to go, to be able to see and encounter different people in different places at different seasons, it feels fulfilling and boosts all the more my confidence to do more of it. Do it while you can! Whatever your skill is or where you are good at something or what you want to improve in yourself DO IT. Do not just sit on your couch at home and dream of doing it or your EX or other people’s relationship and mope. Empower yourself to do things outside your comfort zone. Grow dear ladies, grow! Bloom where you are right now.

❤ To be single is to find your purpose and identity

. To find your purpose for this season, if I may add. You are not single right now because you think you aren’t pretty or sexy enough. Or that nobody likes you or loves you. No, that’s not it. You are beautiful. And it shouldn’t just be any man’s reason to admire about you.

Psalms 139:13, 14 (ESV)

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

You are not single right now because you think the world hates you or “there is no forever in love” or you chose to be single because it’s better and less complicated. Whatever that may be your reason there is still a purpose why you are where you are right now. We are created to be something for today and tomorrow as our future. I realize that the reason or purpose of my season right now is to grow more in my relationship with God without being distracted by my double-heart. I can now do more of what He called me to be.

You may be involved in different things if that is where you think your life’s purpose is. Pursue it. Seek for your purpose and live it. And for me, the best way to know one’s purpose is to ask the One who created you. Enjoy this phase of your season and constantly remind yourself of your purpose.

❤To be single is to be secured.

Most women say that it is some sort of independence. “I am a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man.” I used to say that. 😅 But women, as we are we, are wired in different things, that we can be strong about. But not stronger than men. Our strength and confidence come from our security how much we know our worth. Independence is not wrong. Women as we are we can only do as much because that’s how we are wired differently with men. And that doesn’t mean we are lesser than men. When we find our purpose and identity we can be secure of who we are with or without being committed to a relationship. May we be secured in having peace, our worth and happiness, identity and in love.

And this brings me to my last point of how to be single…

❤To be single is to be whole.

A personal revelation, I have been in a relationship for quite some time and I never felt more alone than I was single. I thought before my longings to “have” and be with someone will fill in the “missing” in me. No, I was wrong. There can be a lot of partner-hopping for some to be able to “find yourself” thinking WHO can perfectly put in the missing pieces of you but it won’t satisfy you. Until then when you took the time embracing more of yourself in seeking your life’s purpose and your identity you can only be secured in who you are, that’s what makes you whole. We need to daily check ourselves and constantly remind ourselves what who we are and how can we be better. What areas do you still need to work on? What character do you have that needs to change or improve? We cannot find it by jumping into a relationship and let the ship sink again because we ought not to work out ourselves. Your partner soon does not have all the ability to ease all your insecurities or lack of self-confidence. You cannot rely upon it to them. You need to work it out on your own. To be whole is to truly know who we are and not be sorry about it or pretend to be something we aren’t. Although it is not an excuse to just let our “immaturities” and bad character rule over us. Let’s be women of good character.

They say that only time can heal. But I say time helps in the process of healing but it is not the time that heals. Did you ever catch a cold without drinking medicine and you say you eventually feel better after a few days? Maybe, possible. Right? But you did something about making yourself better. Probably instead of drinking medicines because you think it’s not that severe, you drank lots of water, slept earlier, ate fruits and vegetables, and so on. But it is never time that heals. It only helps you measure how you have been doing. It took me some time to realize I can’t go on doing all the “easy” way to forget and move on. Going out late nights with friends, crying day and night feeling pathetic but I did anyway. Ask my friends to keep my days busy but I still end up talking endlessly about my ex-partner. I did things that would I thought to help me forget but I am doing it all wrong. Stalking friends of friends and his’ doesn’t help. Posting hateful or bitter thoughts on social media doesn’t make you in a better position. Also, dropping messages to him after your break up (even after weeks) doesn’t help or in any sort of communication. Maybe your story is different, that probably you still do such things. It all depends on us, we all have different stories and ways. But in this way for me, it didn’t really help. I was in search for answers and longed to know but in fact, it was only a matter of time I realize I actually knew it all along. I just can’t accept it. Again, they say, “acceptance is the key.” Probably it is. But what I did truly need was to be able to forgive myself. Not because I loved. But I fell too quickly. And now that I am single I am free not to be wild. But free to be me. To take my time in pursuing the things I desire to do on my own and for others. To work on myself to be a better woman than I am yesterday. We all are a work in progress.

I share this to all the ladies who loved. If you have gone through it before or you are going through a heartbreak right now, may this encourage you. You may have heard a lot of blog posts about this but let it not stop you from helping yourself in the process. Let us be the right woman rather than look for the right man for us. Singlehood is a season. Everything has a season in our lives.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV)

For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

GO GIRL! YOU CAN DO IT!

ENJOY SINGLEHOOD!💕