Merry Christmas and A Blessed New Year to everyone!

If you are reading this today, I want to say, Congratulations!

We all have made it this far. Let us pat ourselves on the back or pour some wine to drink. This year 2022, is not easy. We were starting to recover somehow from the lockdowns and restrictions even though the Covid-19 still wary of most of us. We have heard and experienced different types of calamities and storms in life, from wars between nations, economic crises, and increasing global issues, to every bit of concern in our personal lives. This year may have been different for some of us, a loss, still in a difficult situation, a heartbreak, or just in the process of everything. It is okay not to feel optimistic about things at present. It is okay not to feel merry with the holiday celebrations. It is okay not to be okay at a time like this. Happiness can come in different forms for all of us. For some, it is a promotion; sometimes, it may be receiving a response they have been waiting for, it could also be by being in the company of the people you love or the company of your own. However, happiness could also come in the form of tears you allow yourself to flow, it can be happiness from taking your time to heal and process your circumstances or maybe a time to get some rest. It is happiness formed in love and the value of yourself and timing. There is no need to compare how we should be during this time. We can also not be hard on ourselves. We take that load off. We have gone through so much this year, good and bad. Regardless of our different dealings this year, we tried our best and gave our best to respond in every situation. So it is okay. We did what we could. You and I made it this far.

As I look back on my life this year, I can only describe it as an abstract painting. I started my year like a blank canvas. I had no year-long plans compared to what I usually do every year. The uncertain future scares me, but it is scarier not even try doing something.

“And the Lord said to Joshua, “Do not fear and do not be dismayed… ~” ‭‭

Joshua‬ ‭8‬:‭1‬‬ ‭ESV

Joshua 8:1 is the verse I hold on to since I received this as a personal revelation from the Lord early this year. My faith is tested and stretched. It was just like when someone says jump, it looks easy to jump, but it is scary to jump off a cliff in the ocean. In the same way, I aspire to reach my dreams this year, and it sounds easy as it is but the necessary bold steps and process it needs to take are scary. The journey to it is not a straight path, and so is everything else in my life. The strokes of the Artist were vague, and that to me is the abstract I see as my life. I am the canvas. The painting is my life, and the Artist is Jesus Christ. I spent most days just figuring things out, or trying to understand what the painting is supposed to be, or even the message behind it. I feel lost most of the time when I feel like the Lord is silent. My faith in the Lord is challenged to continue to believe and trust in Him.

Before every risk and decision I took to start living the dream, – the career I aspire for, I began with the question, “how exactly should I start?” The question that is usually followed by, “what should I do next,” and the dark hole, “what if?” I shared my thoughts early on this blog about it. Later on, I realized what having no plans truly meant by the Lord. He gave me this year as a new beginning like a new canvas wherein He can paint freely as I allow Him to move in my life. It is as if God is asking me to work on the plan He has already prepared for me. I plan in God’s leading and direction, nothing less and nothing more. All I have to do is continue to seek Him first. 

The struggle in preparing for the transition was real before I finally quit my corporate job late this year. In reality, you can never be too prepared. The nights were long for me. I am also challenged financially because of the economic changes in prices and quitting my stable job to meet and sustain my financial needs. There were times in between the transitions since I had a lot of responsibilities, I had to prepare the tasks to turnover before leaving, and at the same time to start working on the things that needed to be done in getting to the new career path. Health challenges arise alongside all of these. I have lost dear people and friends in my life on top of these too. The coping, accepting, healing, and so on have taken a toll on me. Physically, emotionally, and mentally it is very draining. I cannot find a way to sort it all out, find my balance, or at least catch my breath and face it all together again. I will be honest that even if I know the Lord says not to fear, I still tend to make my own plan out of anxiety. It is not only a backup plan but a different plan I think would be best. The more I stumble to fear, the more I cannot move forward, and I get exhausted. Taking risks is not easy, doing things out of the ordinary is difficult, be uncomfortable, face difficult people and situations, make hard calls, stand firm on every decision, and simply obey God’s leading and instructions. It is a year-long journey that feels like I am walking alone. As abstract as my life seem, the Lord has been clear and proven true to His Word.

fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 ESV

I am still currently processing all of the things that happened. I am still taking everything all in as I look back, good or bad. I am unsure how to see the coming year. I still have the urge to do things my way and chase the vision I want to see. I still have questions unanswered and my yearning to understand the meaning of life painted at present. What is the purpose of suffering and struggles? However, Isaiah 41:10 resonates, which is humbling, comforting, and reassuring to me. I can take comfort, find strength, and have hope because I am not the artist that paints my life, God is. And because God is the Artist, I can trust that the circumstances meant no harm to me and will make sense in time. As I write this, it is hard to be positive and have the courage to go on and move forward to the incoming year. Knowing that God has my best interest at heart, I can have hope for the plans He has for me. He alone can paint the perfect picture as He sees fit for me. [Jeremiah 29:11 NLT] The grace of God that abounds in my weakness enables me to keep going. I can face another year because God is with me.

“Fear not…”
“For I [the Lord] am with you…”

As a Father to His child, He is with us and within us. He will be with us in the coming year, too. I may feel like I am walking alone because not all the people around me give me the support I need in the journey of the new career path I am taking, but the Lord reassures me that He is with me. That is enough to face everything. There is so much comfort and peace in knowing that the Father’s love for me (and you) is so great that He knows I (we) cannot carry the burden alone, and He will put certain people, even strangers, in our lives to help us through our journey. He is the kind of Father who disciplines His child because He loves them. The same thing as how He is with me, He is in the process of changing my character, if not changing my situation. He is a father that we can take strength and refuge as we grow tired and weary from facing trials and tribulations. He is a father who knows His child to their innermost being, that He knows the true rest, love, peace, joy, strength, and comfort we need is made available to us in His presence. Even though I find it hard to celebrate the holidays this year because of everything that is going on in my life, I can rejoice. I can rejoice for my Father, the greatest Artist of my life, who is with me. I will rejoice for all the goodness He has done and for who He is.

I am wrapping up 2022 with this open letter I wrote to myself:

To all the battles you have fought with your all this year,
To all the risks you have taken with all your courage,
To all the love you have poured, the hope you have believed in, and the faith that you have held onto,
To all the fears you faced and conquered,
To all the small and big steps and decisions you have taken boldly,
To all the dreams you are slowly living,
To all the sleepless and restless nights and stressful mornings you have struggled,
To all the tears you shed and wiped on your own,
To all the broken pieces of your heart that the Lord slowly gathers and heals,
To all the touches of laughter, joys, and memories you have cherished that were short-lived, you did not make yourself turn bitter,
To all the silent prayers and unspoken words you wrestled to be vocal of,
To all your achievements that no one knows,
To all the things you seem to have lost this year,

Take heart!

The Lord has seen and heard it all.
The Lord has been with you through it all, and will always be with you.
The Lord Who promised is faithful. He will fulfill His Word.
The Lord has already made you victorious in Him.
Jesus is your greatest reward and is all that you need.

Take heart!

You have gained more than what you think you have lost.
You have gone so far, and you have gone this far.
You will continue to press on and persevere because of God’s power and might that enables you.
In your weakness, remember God’s grace is sufficient to strengthen you.
For all the experience you have this year, embrace yourself and lift praise and worship to the Lord, for you did not only survive, you have grown and will continue to grow.

Remember the new beginning of life the Lord Jesus Christ, your Redeemer, has given you this 2022.

Now be strong and courageous. The year 2023 is the Lord’s!

…I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world, you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”

John 16:33 (The Message)

I hope this walk-through brought a ray of hope to you as it has for me.

All Glory to God!

PS.
I am sharing a song I most likely played a lot on Spotify. They Just Exist by Gatton is a great song to describe this year’s journey. Let me know if you like it too 🙂