For #somesaminspo number 2 today, I’ll be sharing about my First Love.

Looking back how my year has been from a died coal believer, to year-long depression, to a ship sank relationship, to going back becoming like a lost sheep wandering around the fields where my master has been, and now realizing that things were being set into place. Not that all the things happened in my life were part of God’s plan, there were also my consequences too from the wrong decisions I’ve made. And yes, I have hang-ups. Nobody is perfect.

And before going further reading this blog, this is not to put any religion, belief, and culture in question or discriminate such. This is purely a personal experience. If you are okay with it, I will continue to share my inspiration for today.

Through the years of being part of a church and started to volunteer years back when I was in high school, singing has become a part of me. Despite my lack of self-confidence thinking, I’m not as good as others, still did not outweigh the desire to worship God. And to hold those thoughts before I you get the wrong mindset, no, singing is not my first love. But singing is one of the things I love to do the most for my First Love. Now as I was saying about my roller coaster ride not just actually earlier this year, but years ago then, it made me realize how God as a faithful Lover he is too to me, despite of my unfaithfulness and unrighteousness did not love me any less. For years, though it took me a while to realize, that no matter how much you do things on your own you will end up tired, and no matter how much you try to run away from God you will only end up on the same ground back to Him. And the line goes, “you can never run away from God.” It’s hard to sing to someone you are running away from. And it’s harder to sing when you are having a war within you. A few years back I stopped singing at church for a while for the reason I know to myself I can’t fake it till I make it. No, God does not deserve that. I put into my mind if the day comes and God would question me why I am up there on stage singing when I know deep inside my heart it isn’t wholly sold out to sing for Him. I cannot answer that. And that means for me, I would or am singing for people. Again, no, I do not want fame or just even to be recognized by people. My heart would all the more be so wrong. For some time because also of the consequences of my action it was hard to find my tone back to God. Singing alone is easy. You can pour out so much effort sing to your lungs out but the song wouldn’t be heartfelt and is empty. You may not hear it but to the people who can hear you singing could.

When the ship sank relationship became the turning point how God did set things into place, was also the moment I now realize I’ve become so tired of living in a rat race kind of life. It made me realize so much of how my heart was to God. (This is like sharing my life for years in 3-4 paragraphs of this blog but, right now, this is really what makes me feel so blessed with.) I may have written How To Be Single but we all know unless you didn’t love truly moving on as said isn’t easy like waking up the next day without feeling anything at all. And that kind of love, a hole in my heart that needs to be filled deep down I know no one and anything can fill except the Lover of my soul. Now I’m coming back to my First and Only Love. I used to sing on my plea to God to allow me to sing because that is the only way I know how and where my heart still finds Him. And I am able to sing now a new song, by grace, to my Lover. I love because He first loved me. And He is to you. He loves you too.❤

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10 ESV